Stop dreading your one-on-one (1×1) meetings. 

The word “meeting” makes most people’s skin crawl. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of terrible meetings after leading teams for 20 years. 

And research backs this up, too. The average employee wastes 31 hours in unproductive meetings per month. 

But not all meetings are bad. 

A meeting can be a high-leverage activity for a leader, and one of the best ways to align the team and accelerate progress. You just need to cut the fat. 

I wrote about that here:  The only three meetings you’ll ever need.

This article is a follow up, where I dive into one of those three meetings: the one-on-one (1×1) meeting between a manager and a person on their team. 

Never dread another 1×1 (one-on-one) again! 

Why One-on-One Meetings Are Essential (But Often Done Wrong)

The 1×1 (one-on-one) meeting is one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s toolkit. In a short amount of time with someone on your team, you can:

• Understand progress against goals
• Align & influence behavior for weeks 
• Problem-solve issues before they become major problems

But most people get these meetings wrong. It’s very common to see one-on-one meetings with: 

✗ No clear objective
✗ An irregular cadence 
✗ Too much fluff

And since time is a leader’s biggest constraint, you need to do everything you can to eliminate ineffective 1x1s (one-on-ones). 

It’s not “their meeting.”

One of the most common pieces of advice you’ll hear about 1x1s is that:

“The 1×1 meeting is their meeting.” 

As in the individual, not the manager, sets the entire agenda. 

I followed this advice for a while, too. But, as well-intentioned as my people were, the meetings weren’t effective enough. The employee would typically show up with lower-level discussion items to fill the agenda and avoid the really hard, thorny issues that actually needed discussion. 

This is human nature of course – to choose the path of least resistance. But it doesn’t do your business any good. So what did I do instead? Find out below 👇

3 Rules for Managers to Crush their One-on-Ones

As a manager, the 1×1 (one-on-one) is your chance to unlock each person’s true potential. It also serves as your early warning system for issues and under-performance.  Apply these 3 simple rules to go from a weak meeting to a winning one. 

Rule #1: Set the structure, then let them lead. 

Instead of handing the entire agenda to the individual, the manager should set the overarching structure of the 1×1 (one-on-one) first. 

Here’s my battle-tested agenda outline that I’ve been using for many years: 

1×1 Meeting Agenda

• Goal Progress – 15 minutes 
• Their agenda items – 30 minutes
• Direct Coaching – 15 minutes

Part 1: Goal Progress (15 minutes): 

For the first 15 minutes, the individual gives the manager an update on how they are doing against their goals for the quarter and year. I use a simple green, yellow, and red light status system. Regardless of what you choose though, make sure that progress is communicated clearly and issues are raised early. This is your early detection system. 

Part 2: Their Agenda Items (30 minutes): 

Then, for the next 30 minutes, you can let the individual bring their own items into the agenda. This empowers them to bring important items to the table. But there are two key things to keep in mind with this: 

1. If the discussion items are too low-level or administrative, you need to challenge them to bring their biggest blockers forward. You need to make them feel comfortable that they won’t get penalized for being vulnerable. You are the coach in this situation, and there to help them achieve their goals.
   
2. If the person is continuously missing their goals week over week, then you’ll want to dedicate more of the agenda time towards helping them get back on track. So, for example, you might extend the Goal Progress time (the first section) from 15 minutes to 30 minutes, and give them 15 minutes for other items. If things are really bad, I’ll dedicate the entire meeting to just helping them get back on track. Goal achievement should ALWAYS be the priority. 

Part 3: Direct Coaching (last 15 minutes): 

This section is where I give direct praise and any direct feedback. I try to pick one item from each bucket. 

1. Praise them on something you observed since your last meeting
2. Give feedback on something that needs coaching since your last meeting

This is a great way to end each meeting. It creates a culture of feedback, but also balances that with praise from the manager. 

Rule #2: Be Consistent & Present  

If you want to destroy trust between you (the manager) and the individual, then do the following three things:

• Constantly move your 1x1s (one-on-ones) around 
• Constantly cancel your 1x1s (one-on-ones)
• Act distracted in the meeting itself

These three things say: “My other priorities are more important than you.” And you must avoid them at all costs. 

Instead, give the person 100% of your attention in your 1×1 (one-on-one) meeting. Put your phone or computer away.  Hone in on what they are saying and asking. Be their coach and collaborator. 

This is fundamental to establish mutual respect and trust. The person on the other side of the table will never give you their best if you’re not willing to first.

How to be consistent: 

Consistent doesn’t mean more frequent. Many people advised me to do my 1x1s (one-on-one’s) weekly. But I found this to be overbearing and much harder to keep consistent. 

Instead, aim for 60 minutes every other week. I also recommend mixing up the location to keep things fresh. If you’re in the same physical location, rotate from office to coffee shop. If you’re virtual, switch from Zoom to Google Meet (that was a joke). 

There are two situations where I’d advise having weekly 1x1s (one-on-ones), instead of every other week: 

New Hires: For new hires, I always start with weekly 1x1s (one-on-ones) for the first 3 months. This helps get them up to speed and hit the ground running. Sometimes I’ll move to every other week earlier, depending on the person’s ramp time and prior experience level. 

Performance Issues: The other situation that requires a weekly 1×1 (one-on-one) is a performance issue. If someone struggles to hit their goals, move their 1×1 (one-on-one) from every other week to weekly. This gives you more time to coach them out of the negative situation and sends a message that you’re taking this seriously. Once they’re out of the red, move them back to every other week. 

Rule #3: Give & Take Feedback 

1x1s (one-on-one) meetings are the perfect forum for candid, supportive dialogue about growth areas. 

Take notes between meetings on:

1. something the person did well and deserves praise
2. something that deserves some coaching

Then, use the last 15 minutes to give both – praise and feedback. You won’t always have something to coach them on, but you should aim for at least 50% of the meetings. 

And don’t forget this part: you’ll also want to get honest feedback on how you’re doing as a manager.

Ask questions like:

• How can I help you hit your goals?
• Are you waiting on me for anything?
• Anything you’d like to better understand about the business?

You are there to help them remove blockers and coach them towards goal achievement. So, the last thing you want is to become the blocker yourself! But sometimes the manager doesn’t realize they are holding things up, and the individual feels awkward about raising it. So asking these questions on a regular basis opens up the conversation in a comfortable way.  

Now 3 rules for the individual in the 1×1 (one-on-one) meeting … 

3 Rules for Individuals to Crush their One-on-Ones

While the manager sets the agenda structure, the individual should take the lead. Use these 3 rules to maximize your 1×1 (one-on-one) time with your manager. Or, if you’re a manager, you can give these tips to all of your direct reports. 

Rule #1: Come Prepared  

A 1×1 (one-on-one) meeting is a great time for the individual to showcase their leadership skills and future potential. Coming to every meeting prepared is key. 

The individual should: 

1. Be prepared to give progress against their goals
2. Bring an agenda for their section of the meeting
3. Think of ways your manager can help you  

Think of your agenda time as a space to collaborate and problem solve with your manager. 

For #2, the agenda should focus on blockers (things holding you back against your goals), and should bleed into #3 (ways your manager can help you). 

Avoid using large chunks of the agenda time with small admin-type items, unless you really can’t get the answer elsewhere. If you do have these types of questions, batch them into a 10-minute block and ask them rapid fire to your manager. Don’t spend too much time on discussion. Get an answer and move on to bigger items. 

Rule #2: Ask For Help 

Asking for help shows self-awareness, not weakness. If you’re giving your manager an update on your goals, it’ll become natural to talk about your blockers and ask your manager for help where applicable.  

But be clear about what you’re asking for:

• I’m facing a problem, I have a solution, but I’d love your take on it
• I’m facing a problem, I have a solution, but I need your help to implement it
• I’m facing a problem, I don’t have a solution yet, and could use help brainstorming solutions. 

The third one will happen now and again, but make the first two the norm. You don’t want to be throwing all your problems at your manager for them to figure out for you. Think of your manager like your “editor” not your “writer”. You’re letting them know there’s a problem, giving status on where you’re at and asking them for help as applicable.  

Rule #3: Use For Personal Development

Don’t be afraid to add personal development items to the 1×1 (one-on-one) agenda, especially if you’re on pace to hit your goals (since you’ll need less time on that section). If you’re manager is doing these meetings correctly, you have their undivided attention – take advantage!  

Here’s a few ideas: 

• Ask for specific coaching to improve a skill   
• Ask for a book, blog, or podcast recommendation
• Ask to brainstorm career growth opportunities 

This is time well spent. A great manager will embrace the chance to help you develop personally. Just enter this conversation with an open mind and an “always be learning” mindset! 

3 More Pro Tips for Awesome 1x1s   

Here are a few final tips to make your 1x1s epic:

• Jot down 1×1 topics throughout the week in a shared note. Capture things while fresh.
• Start each meeting with a non-work question to connect as people first. 
• Once a quarter, extend to 90 minutes to focus purely on career development

I wrote about the extended 1×1 (one-on-one) here: The Annual Meeting is Dead. Here’s what I do instead: 

Remember, these low-key, but powerful meetings allow you to: 

• Influence behavior & progress for weeks through coaching & feedback  
• Resolve budding issues before they balloon into major problems
• Help your people develop into a great leader themselves 

When used effectively, this underutilized meeting can single-handedly boost team performance more than almost anything else you do as a manager. 

Now get out there and start crushing your 1×1’s (one-on-one’s)!