Stop dreading your 1 on 1 meetings

The word “meeting” makes most people’s skin crawl. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of terrible meetings after leading teams for 20 years. But not all meetings are bad.

A meeting can be a high-leverage activity for a leader – a way to align your people and increase accountability across the team. But most companies have way too many senseless meetings (I wrote about that here: The only three meetings you’ll ever need).

This article is a follow up to that first one, where I deep dive into one of those three essential meetings: the 1 on 1 (one on one) between manager and individual. Below you’ll find highly actionable advice for both the manager and the individual below, so you never dread another 1 on 1 (one on one) ever again!

Let’s dive in…

Benefits of 1 on 1 meetings

The 1 on 1 meeting is one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s toolkit. In a short amount of time someone, you can:

• Align & influence behavior for weeks 
• Understand the individual’s progress against goals
• Coach issues before they become major problems

But most people get these meetings wrong. It’s very common to see 1 on 1 meetings with no clear agenda, no connection to goals, and an unreliable cadence. This makes people dread their 1 on 1 meetings and view them as a waste of time. But as you’ll see in the rest of this article, to turn wasteful 1 on 1’s into a productivity power house.

Getting your 1 on 1 meeting right

But I’ll be honest – for a long time I didn’t understand the point of 1 on 1 meetings. But that’s because the meeting was too free-form. I was allowing rambling conversation, low-priority items and complaining into the meeting. Sound familiar? These are 1 on 1 productivity killers. Now imagine this across your entire organization. Dozens, if not hundreds, if not thousands or unproductive meetings happening every single month. Yikes. 😳

Eventually I realized that the difference between a ‘good’ and a ‘bad’ 1 on 1 meeting was massive. A 1 on 1 meeting can be super high leverage – helping someone make optimal decisions for weeks, if not months, without you in the room. But a really bad 1 on 1 creates negative leverage (yes, NEGATIVE). It’s not only unproductive, it actually creates more noise, more drama, more confusion than before.

So how do you make sure you get your 1 on 1 meetings right? Here’s how I did it:

1. Follow the same basic agenda framework every time
2. Select the duration & frequency of 1 on 1’s by person
3. Don’t let 1 on 1’s turn into a rambling bitch-fest 😬

Yes, I did say that (we’ve all been there). But it’s important to call out, because your 1 on 1 meetings should never become a continuous stream of complaints (especially about other co-workers). This is a 1 on 1 meeting at its worst, and indeed, a waste of time. Conflict must be dealt with as a team, or at minimum, with both parties present.

The other thing to watch out for is the “open agenda”. You’ll often here business guru’s tell you that a 1 on 1 meeting is “their meeting” — meaning the agenda should be 100% owned by the individual, not the manager. Not true. I followed this advice for a while too, but the meetings weren’t nearly effective enough. The employee would typically show up with lower-level items to fill the agenda and avoid the really hard, thorny issues that actually needed discussion. 

This is human nature of course – to choose the path of least resistance. But it doesn’t drive high performance. So what did I do instead? Find out below 👇

A Manager’s Guide to 1 on 1 Meetings

As a manager, the 1 on 1 meeting is your chance to unlock each person’s true potential. It also serves as your early warning system for issues and under-performance. Apply these 3 simple rules to go from a weak 1 on 1 meeting to a winning one. 

Rule #1: Set the 1 on 1 agenda structure, then let them lead. 

Instead of handing an open agenda to the individual, the manager should set the overarching structure of for the 1 on 1 that both sides understand and agree to. Here’s my battle-tested 1 on 1 agenda that I’ve been using for many years.

1×1 Meeting Agenda

• Progress against goals – 15 minutes 
• Their agenda items – 30 minutes
• Direct Coaching – 15 minutes

Agenda Section 1: Progress against goals (15 minutes): 

For the first 15 minutes, the individual gives the manager an update on how they are doing against their goals for the quarter and year. I use a simple green, yellow, and red light status system. Regardless of what you choose though, make sure that progress is communicated clearly and issues are raised early. This is your early detection system. 

If the individual doesn’t have goals, you should start there. Have them create annual goals that align with the company’s. Then break them into quarters to track progress.

The Northstar Operating System (that we teach in my community, Highland) uses a simple goal system called WhyGos, if you want to check it out. My team found it to be a significant improvement to OKRs or EOS rocks.

Agenda Section 2: Their Agenda Items (30 minutes): 

Then, for the next 30 minutes, you can let the individual bring their own agenda items to the table. This empowers them to raise important issues or blockers to their progress. But there are two key things to keep in mind with this: 

1. If the discussion items are too low-level or administrative, you need to challenge them to bring their biggest blockers forward. Make sure they know that they won’t get penalized for being vulnerable. You are the coach in this situation and there to help them achieve their goals.
   
2. If the person is continuously missing their goals week over week, then you’ll want to dedicate more of the agenda towards helping them get back on track. So, for example, you might extend Section 1 of the agenda from 15 minutes to 30 minutes to address any yellow, or especially, red goals. If things are really bad, I’ll dedicate the entire meeting to just helping them get back on track. Goal achievement should ALWAYS be the priority over random agenda items. 

Agenda Section 3: Direct Coaching (last 15 minutes): 

This section is where I give any direct praise and any direct feedback since the last time we met. I try to pick one item from each bucket. 

1. Praise them on something you observed since your last meeting
2. Give feedback on something that needs coaching since your last meeting

This is a great way to end each meeting. It creates a culture of feedback, but also balances that with praise from the manager. 

Rule #2: Be consistent & present with your 1 on 1’s 

It’s unbelievably important to remain consistent with your 1 on 1 meeting schedule, and be present during the 1 on 1 meeting itself. The fastest way to destroy the relationship between you (the manager) and the individual is doing these three things:

• Constantly moving your 1 on 1’s around 
• Constantly canceling your 1 on 1’s
• Acting distracted during the meeting itself

These three things say: “My other priorities are more important than you.” Yet, so many managers do exactly that. 🤦🏻‍♂️

How to be consistent with your 1 on 1 meetings: 

Consistent doesn’t mean more frequent. You don’t want 1 on 1 meetings to overrun your calendar. Instead, I select frequency based on person’s experience-level and their time at the company.

Here’s a simple table that explains how I think about it:

As you can see, the frequency of my 1 on 1’s depends on the person’s experience, performance and time in their role. If a person’s experience and/or performance is low, then you want to meet more frequently. If the person’s experience and/or performance is high, then you gradually move from more-frequent to less-frequent as trust is established. If the person is new to the organization, you start more-frequent for the first 90 days, then depending on performance, you gradually move to less-frequent.

It’s important to note that no position on this table is permanent. If the person starts under-performing, you always move to higher-frequency 1 on 1s in order to increase the coaching. This is the same 1 on 1 philosophy for any level of experience or role in the company.

How to be present in your 1 on 1s:

It feels funny even writing this section, but it deserves a strong reminder. And I used to be a culprit myself as a new manager. Too many times I’d catch myself checking slack or my phone during a 1 on 1 meeting. This is a definite no-no. You must be 100% present to establish mutual respect and trust with the other person. The person on the other side of the table will never give you their best if you’re not willing to first.

Rule #3: Give & Take Feedback 

1 on 1 meetings are the perfect forum for candid, supportive dialogue about growth areas. Take notes between meetings on:

1. something the person did well and deserves praise
2. something that deserves some coaching

Then, use the last 15 minutes to give both – praise and feedback. You won’t always have something to coach them on, but you should aim for at least 50% of the meetings. 

And don’t forget this part: you’ll also want to get honest feedback on how you’re doing as a manager. Ask questions like:

• How can I help you hit your goals?
• Are you waiting on me for anything?
• What are some of my potential blind spots?
• Anything you’d like to better understand about the business?

You are there to help them remove blockers and coach them towards goal achievement. So, the last thing you want is to become the blocker yourself! But sometimes the manager doesn’t realize they are holding things up, and the individual feels awkward about raising it. So asking these questions on a regular basis opens up the conversation in a comfortable way.

Now 3 rules for the individual in the 1×1 (one-on-one) meeting… 

An individual’s guide to 1 on 1 meetings

While the manager sets the agenda structure, the individual should take the lead on the majority of the meeting (first two sections). Use these 3 rules to get the most out of your 1 on 1 meeting with your manager. Or, if you’re a manager, you can give these tips to all of your direct reports. 

Rule #1: Come Prepared

A 1 on 1 meeting is a great time for you, as the individual, to showcase your leadership skills and future potential. Coming to every meeting prepared is key. 

You should: 

1. Section 1: Be able to give progress against your goals
2. Section 2: Drive the agenda for your section of the meeting
3. Section 3: Think of ways your manager can help you

Think of your agenda time (section 2) as a space to collaborate and problem solve with your manager. That said, you should still come with a well-thought through agenda, raise important discussion points, or present something for feedback to make the best use your manager’s time.

Avoid using large chunks of the agenda for small admin-type items, unless you really can’t get the answer elsewhere. If you do have these types of questions, batch them into a 10-minute block and ask them rapid fire to your manager. Don’t spend too much time on discussion. Get an answer and move on to bigger items. 

Rule #2: Ask For Help 

Asking for help shows self-awareness, not weakness. If you’re giving your manager an update on your goals, it’ll become natural to talk about your blockers and ask your manager for help where applicable.

But be clear about what you’re asking for:

• I’m facing a problem, I have a solution, but I’d love your take on it
• I’m facing a problem, I have a solution, but I need your help to implement it
• I’m facing a problem, I don’t have a solution yet, and could use help brainstorming solutions. 

The third one will happen now and again, but make the first two the norm. You don’t want to be throwing all your problems at your manager for them to figure out for you. Think of your manager like your “editor” not your “writer”. You’re letting them know there’s a problem, giving status on where you’re at and asking them for help as applicable.

Rule #3: Use For Personal Development

Don’t be afraid to add personal development items to the 1 on 1 agenda, especially if you’re on pace to hit your goals (since you’ll need less time on that section). If you’re manager is doing these meetings correctly, you have their undivided attention – take advantage!

Here’s a few ideas: 

• Ask for specific coaching to improve a skill
• Ask for a book, blog, or podcast recommendation
• Ask to brainstorm career growth opportunities 

This is time well spent. A great manager will embrace the chance to help you develop personally. Just enter this conversation with an open mind and an “always be learning” mindset! 

3 additional tips for crushing your 1 on 1 meetings

Here are a few final tips to make your 1 on 1’s epic:

• Jot down 1 on 1 meeting topics throughout the week in a note on your phone.
• Start each meeting with a non-work question to connect as people first. 
• Once a quarter, extend to 90 minutes to focus purely on career development

I wrote about the extended 1 on 1’s here: The Annual Meeting is Dead. Here’s what I do instead: 

Remember – 1 on 1s can either be a total pain in the ass, or a productivity machine. It just comes down to consistency, structure and how both sides show up. When used effectively, 1 on 1’s can single-handedly boost team performance more than almost anything else a manager can do. And as an individual, this is time with your manager you don’t want to waste! Use it to help achieve your goals and develop as a professional.

Now, get out there and start crushing your 1 on 1’s!

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