Our own worst enemies

We all want to be great leaders.

We read the top 10 books, watch the TED talks, and try to follow in the footsteps of those who’ve made it big.

But what if I told you that some of the most common beliefs about leadership are nothing more than fairy tales? Imaginary rules that most buy into…but are actually holding us back?

I’ve watched talented, well-meaning leaders repeatedly sabotage themselves by clinging to a handful of misguided mindsets. These imaginary rules are like invisible anchors, weighing down even the most promising leaders and teams. 

But here’s the good news is, once you see them for what they are, you can start to break free.

So what are the top limiting beliefs leaders tell themselves? Here are the 7 that do the most damage:

1. More is Better

Many leaders think that doing more automatically leads to achieving more. They pack their to-do lists and calendars to the brim. After all, busy equals productive, right? 

I used to think this way too. In fact, I used to take pride in my ability to parallel process a ton of stuff. But after many years of suboptimization, I realized that endless stacking was a fool’s errand. When everything is a priority, nothing is.

The most effective leaders understand the power of prioritization. They have the courage to say “no” to the mediocre many and focus on the vital few. They know that spreading themselves too thin is a recipe for poor results and burnout. That’s why they guard their time and calendar like Fort Knox.

Instead of judging your days by how much you can check off your to-do list, zero in on the key activities that will really move the needle. By nailing these higher leverage items, it may just eliminate the need for the other things on your list as well! 

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. When you have fewer goals and projects, you create space for excellence. You give your team the clarity they need to do their best work.

2. Saying it Once is Enough 

Most founders think, “I mentioned X in last month’s meeting, so everyone must have X completely dialed in.” But this is rarely the case. 

Why? Because saying something once, especially in passing, is not the same as giving clear direction to someone. 

The most effective leaders are clear and concise in their instruction, and repeat the message like a broken record. They understand that for something to fully sink in, it must be said multiple times and multiple ways. 

For example, if you say something important in a meeting, then you should also follow up on email or slack with a summary of what you said. Then you should remind the team periodically about the importance of what you said in that prior meeting. The more important the item, the more you need to repeat yourself. 

Resist the temptation to think: “but these are adults, they should get it the first time!”

There are two problems with this line of thinking. 

1. Leaders overestimate the clarity of their own communication. So, it’s very likely your initial message left something up for interpretation. By repeating the message, you fill the gaps of understanding.
   
2. The people on your team are constantly battling competing priorities. If you mention something in passing, they don’t know how to weigh the direction against other priorities. Repeating the message, stresses the importance and moves it up their priority list. 

Bottom line: when in doubt, say it again. 

3. I Can’t Rest Until It’s Done

It’s great to have a strong work ethic. In fact, a person’s hunger for something can be the decisive factor between success and failure. 

However, many leaders take this concept too far. They think they have to work non-stop until everything is finished. They skip lunch, stay late, and work on weekends. The problem is, the to-do list never ends. There’s always more to get done. 

This was me for many years. But at some point I realized that long hours have diminishing returns – and in the worst cases, serious consequences to your health. I had to learn this last part the hard way. 

Now I realize that the most effective leaders make time to rest and recharge, even when they’re busy. This means taking breaks throughout the day, protecting their personal time, and actually using their vacation days. They view their energy as a limited resource to manage carefully. 

Leadership is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself so you can keep going for the long haul!

4. My People Should “Like” Me

It’s nice to be liked. But trying to make everyone happy is a trap many leaders fall into. They avoid hard decisions and honest feedback because they don’t want to be the “bad guy.” They worry that if people don’t like them, they won’t follow them.

But being a leader isn’t a popularity contest. Your job is to do what’s best for the company and team, even if it doesn’t win you any quick friends. You need to deliver tough messages, cut under-performers, and push people out of their comfort zones. These are things that can be met with resistance, or even resentment at times. 

Instead, focus on “fairness” over “friends”. Leaders who are fair and honest build trust and respect over time —even if their decisions can sting sometimes. 

Just remember to share the context of your decisions with the team. Let them understand the ‘why’, even if they don’t always agree with you. This helps them digest the information, empathize with your point of view, and gain a better understanding of the business itself. They’ll come to realize that your only aim is to make unbiased decisions for the greater good of the company. 

5. Everyone’s Motivations Are The Same

When you’re passionate about your work as the leader, you may assume your team feels the same way. You might think everyone is driven by the same purpose that gets you out of bed each in the morning. But this is a dangerous assumption.

Your ‘why’ as the leader is likely very mission-centric. You might even have a personal story that ties to the mission of the company, turbo-charging your personal purpose for being there. 

But each team member’s ‘why’ is unique – their underlying motivation for staying with the company. For some it’s the mission, for others it’s a career opportunity, and for others it’s the pay (or some combo of all three). 

The best leaders understand this, and find ways to encourage each person to clarify their own personal ‘why’. The most space you give someone to think this through, the more likely they will gravitate towards a more mission-centric personal ‘why’. Often realizing that something unique in their lives ties to the mission of the organization. 

And this is exactly what you want to happen. Don’t just talk about what matters to you—find out what matters to them.  When you tap into someone’s internal drive, they’re more likely to give their best. 

6. I Can’t F*uck This Up

Many leaders are terrified of making mistakes. They think that errors will cause their team to doubt and judge them. They think they’ll somehow lose credibility. So they play it ultra safe and stay too guarded with their people. 

But fear of failure has a high cost. When you’re constantly avoiding mistakes, you miss out on smart risks that could really pay off. You also stifle creativity and innovation across your team. People will stop suggesting new or “risky” ideas, and you’ll create a culture of conservatism. 

But the greatest leaders take calculated risks over and over again. And they encourage their teams to experiment, even if it means an occasional flop. When failures happen, they frame them as learning opportunities rather than catastrophes. They know that mistakes are inevitable when you’re pushing boundaries and trying new things.

Resist the urge to play it safe just to avoid egg on your face. Take ownership of your screw-ups and extract lessons from them. Foster an environment where people feel safe to take risks. It’s the only way you’ll learn and grow. 

7. Our Competition Has It Figured Out

When you’re in a rut, it’s easy to put your rivals on a pedestal. You look at their wins and assume they’ve got everything dialed in. They must have some secret sauce that you don’t. This mindset spurs you to play catch-up and copy their every move.

But the truth is, every company has its ups and downs – including your competitors. No matter how shiny they seem on the outside, they’ve got plenty of problems they’re still stumbling through. 

Instead of obsessing over the competition, focus on your own game plan. Tap into your unique strengths and values. Define success on your own terms. Come up with creative solutions that fit your team and customers. 

Your uniqueness becomes your competitive advantage. Now I constantly think to myself: “how can I zig, when everyone else is zagging?”. Not to be contrarian, but to force myself to think about problems and solutions differently. 

Bottom line: the less you compare yourself to others, the more you can hone in on what really matters to your company and customers. Don’t let your rivals live rent-free in your head.

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Leadership is hard enough without tripping over your own feet. But that’s exactly what you do when you fall for these imaginary rules. 

Start noticing when these limiting beliefs creep into your thinking. Ask yourself, “Is this really true, or is it an assumption I’ve picked up along the way?”. 

Odds are there’s a false rule holding you back. 

How I can help you… 

Are you a founder, executive, or manager? I’d love to support your professional growth. 

Here are three ways: 

1. Connect on LinkedIn and Instagram – where I post practical tips about leadership and startups every day.

2. Subscribe to my free newsletter – where I dive deep into a variety of management and operations topics that will make you a better leader & operator. 
   
3. Join Highland – my executive coaching program for founders, where we help you become a top-tier CEO who can scale into the tens of millions & beyond.